Laughter Heals

Last night we sat down in a room together as different from one another as possible.  True, we both speak English, but you can hardly call it the same language.  We are about as different as two people can be in America.  I a thirty year-old white male and she a sixty year-old black female.  I grew up in a gentle, loving home with two parents.  She grew up in a broken home where she was regularly beaten with an extension cord.  I was taught to value hard work, study, self-discipline, and inherited the rigors of the Protestant work ethic.  She was born into a culture of oppression which was forced to utilize lying, cheating, and stealing simply to survive.  I prefer quiet, meditative conversations. She prefers loud, demonstrative ones.  I use words she does not understand and she uses words that I do not understand.

When we first met years ago, we were in the "honeymoon" stage.  We enjoyed each other's differences and laughed over them.  We picked on each other in fun ways.  She made fun of how white I am and I laughed at the same thing about myself.  But as time went on and the relationship grew deeper, things got tough.  We couldn't see eye to eye.  She felt disrespected and so did I.  She undoubtedly had memories of white male power from her past crop up to mind which made me take the shape of an enemy in her mind.  My blood boiled at times as I couldn't understand her lack of respect for civility and "the way things are supposed to be."  The honeymoon ended and gave way to tension, hurt, and mistrust.

So we sat down last night in the presence of witnesses to try to work things out.  Much was said.  She spoke loudly.  I spoke softly (most of the time).  Sometimes she deliberately diverted our attention to win the argument while I tried to bring it back into focus.  But in the midst of it all we were able to laugh.  We laughed about how different we are.  We laughed about how silly some matters are that frustrate us.  I laughed when I realized that only in a church -- and an oddball church at that -- would a woman like her and a guy like me sit down to try to forge some sort of peace agreement.  We are night and day, she and I.  We are yin and yang.  But there is something truly beautiful in it too.  Frustrating, yes.  Sometimes so frustrating that I want to call it quits.  But in moments of laughter I realize that we are winning a small battle in a very large war.

A Prayer to the God of Ebb and Flow

Dear Lord, today I thought of the words of Vincent van Gogh: “It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea.” You are the sea. Although I experience many ups and downs in my emotions and often feel great shifts and changes in my inner life, you remain the same. Your sameness is not the sameness of a rock, but the sameness of a faithful lover. Out of your love I came to life; by your love I am sustained; and to your love I am always called back. There are days of sadness and days of joy; there are feelings of guilt and feelings of gratitude; there are moments of failure and moments of success; but all of them are embraced by your unwavering love.

My only real temptation is to doubt in your love, to think of myself as beyond the reach of your love, to remove myself from the healing radiance of your love. To do these things is to move into the darkness of despair.

O Lord, sea of love and goodness, let me not fear too much the storms and winds of my daily life, and let me know that there is ebb and flow but that the sea remains the sea. Amen.

- Henri Houwen in "A Cry for Mercy"