Broken Down

Kids screaming in the night,
alcohol, drugs, prostitution, theft, abuse, rape, poverty,
fear at all times
fear of bad men eyeing my daughters
fear of addicts who would beat my wife for money,
fear of darkness, darkness, darkness overwhelming.

Depression, dark clouds unending
icy cold mornings
long hours of work
church people who hate each other
phone calls, phone calls, phone calls
meetings, sermons, visits, peacemaking, silent pain
emptiness inside. Godlessness.

My kids screaming in the night,
sleeplessness, diapers, laundry, dishes, urine on the floor,
bills due, income scarce
hard work, no reward, tension with Courtney,
longing day after day for escape.

Empty motions,
aching for somewhere I know not where,
aching for someone I know not who,
suffering, suffering silently with Christ
... or sometimes without him.

Gregory Ryan Coates is Broken Down tonight.