Today is one of those days that makes it all worth it. It was a hard day, but a very good day. Weeks go by that we provide groceries to needy people and they seem unresponsive, unthankful, and remain stuck in their patterns of co-dependency. But not today. Today they flooded the altars, presenting their requests to God, and calling upon their higher power to deliver them from addictions. This job of pastor -- it is a high calling.
I went to a house a few doors down to convince an angry ex-convict not to beat her neighbor to death with a baseball bat. We talked, we prayed, I listened to a constant stream of anger. And then I presented her to God, reminded her that anger will make her a slave, and prayed for her to find the power of forgiveness. She wept and gave it to God and promised to not reach for that baseball bat any more. This job of pastor -- it is a high calling.
I traveled across town to sit for a few hours with an elderly man whose 42-year-old daughter died last night of complications related to colon surgery. I held hands with this spiritual giant as he told me that Jeshua is his fortress and his strength and that God is using this pain to make him into the man God wants him to be. I cried out to God with him in his agony and we embraced and shed tears and praised the name of God in the midst of the storm. This job of pastor -- it is a high calling.
After weeks of struggling to start a recovery group for smoking addicts, two ladies showed up tonight, smiling with their toothless smiles and saying, "Well, we're here." The chains of addiction are breaking and the gates of hell cannot withstand this onslaught. This job of pastor -- it is a high calling.
I sat in a board meeting tonight with a career military man and watched as his heart was softened to the plight of the inner city poor. I noticed the fire in his voice as he spoke about the injustice of a little church like ours being underfunded when other churches including his own have so much. I saw a mini-conversion -- a conversion from blind middle class American values to informed, heart-wrenching pain for the poor. I saw this ex-Marine look in my eyes with his tearful eyes and say, "I love what you're doing here." This job of pastor -- it is a high calling.
I rejoice today, God. Thanks for letting me be part of your team. Not every day ends this well. Not every day is filled with such holiness (or at least I don't notice it). But today you filled my cup. You reminded me why I fight the battle of the near eastside. You reminded me what a joy it is to be one of your agents for change in the world. Thank you for this high calling. Your mission and your beautiful coming kingdom make life worth living.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Plea for Advice
Matt and Maggie are pseudonyms. I'll take ANY and ALL advice!
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Case Study:
Matt and Maggie have been part of First Church off and on for about 4-5 years, but have increased their level of commitment over the past year. They joined the 12 week membership class offered by Pastor Greg and attended faithfully offering substantive interaction and feedback. On the last Sunday of December 2008, Matt and Maggie joined officially as members with the understanding that they would faithfully attend a smoker's recovery group and hold to the commitments set forth in the Book of Discipline. These two are a particularly needy couple – they demand lots of special attention, financial resources, and pastoral care. It is not rare for the pastors to receive 4-5 calls per day (EACH!) from Matt about needing a ride to somewhere or payment for something or prayer for something. All was fine until the third Sunday of January. Pastor Greg was on vacation and Jim, Martha, and Brian were in charge. During our weekly time for sharing prayer requests, one girl stood to thank the church for helping her financially surrounding the birth of her firstborn daughter (although she's actually been helped by a member of the church, not the church institution itself). This evidently angered Maggie who prompted her husband to stand and say the following:
“Why does this church help our her when we have asked for money for our rent and been denied? After all, we're members and she is not! Maggie and I are very angry and we are leaving this church for good and never coming back! We give back our membership!!!” Following this, they stormed out of the sanctuary from the front pew where they were sitting. The service, which had been highly enthusiastic and filled with the Holy Spirit, seemed deflated. Pastor Jim did his best to move on with the worship time, but the congregation was somewhat shell shocked.
Not long after this, Matt and Maggie wanted to pretend that it had never happened and be welcomed back into Sunday morning worship. Pastor Greg sat down and explained to them that they had hurt the church and revoked their membership in front of everyone. He kindly asked them to refrain from coming back to Sunday morning worship for a while to let the congregation heal from the hurt that they had caused. He informed them that he would have been happy to talk with them about their grievances privately, but that they had decided to rebuke the church on Sunday morning and that the consequence of this was exclusion from membership and communal worship. This exclusion was something all four pastors had discussed and agreed was the best course of action for the present time. Although this was communicated calmly and in a loving way, Maggie stormed out of the office and told Pastor Greg that he should be fired from his job for speaking in such a way to his parishioners.
Matt and Maggie also attend our Monday food pantry and Pastor Greg gave them permission to continue coming in order to get groceries.
Since then, Maggie and Matt have not returned to Sunday morning, but have contacted a number of our members and told them “we want to come back, but the pastors won't let us.” Some of these members are concerned that we acted too harshly to exclude them – although in the pastors' defense, they feel that Matt and Maggie have decided to exclude themselves (the church is just holding them to their word).
Questions: Did the pastors make the right decision to tell Matt and Maggie to find a new church home? Should the pastors reverse their decision if Matt and Maggie show that they are genuinely sorry for what they did? Where should we go from here? Does the Scriptural passage below have any bearing on this case?
Titus 3:10-11 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11 You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
-----
Case Study:
Matt and Maggie have been part of First Church off and on for about 4-5 years, but have increased their level of commitment over the past year. They joined the 12 week membership class offered by Pastor Greg and attended faithfully offering substantive interaction and feedback. On the last Sunday of December 2008, Matt and Maggie joined officially as members with the understanding that they would faithfully attend a smoker's recovery group and hold to the commitments set forth in the Book of Discipline. These two are a particularly needy couple – they demand lots of special attention, financial resources, and pastoral care. It is not rare for the pastors to receive 4-5 calls per day (EACH!) from Matt about needing a ride to somewhere or payment for something or prayer for something. All was fine until the third Sunday of January. Pastor Greg was on vacation and Jim, Martha, and Brian were in charge. During our weekly time for sharing prayer requests, one girl stood to thank the church for helping her financially surrounding the birth of her firstborn daughter (although she's actually been helped by a member of the church, not the church institution itself). This evidently angered Maggie who prompted her husband to stand and say the following:
“Why does this church help our her when we have asked for money for our rent and been denied? After all, we're members and she is not! Maggie and I are very angry and we are leaving this church for good and never coming back! We give back our membership!!!” Following this, they stormed out of the sanctuary from the front pew where they were sitting. The service, which had been highly enthusiastic and filled with the Holy Spirit, seemed deflated. Pastor Jim did his best to move on with the worship time, but the congregation was somewhat shell shocked.
Not long after this, Matt and Maggie wanted to pretend that it had never happened and be welcomed back into Sunday morning worship. Pastor Greg sat down and explained to them that they had hurt the church and revoked their membership in front of everyone. He kindly asked them to refrain from coming back to Sunday morning worship for a while to let the congregation heal from the hurt that they had caused. He informed them that he would have been happy to talk with them about their grievances privately, but that they had decided to rebuke the church on Sunday morning and that the consequence of this was exclusion from membership and communal worship. This exclusion was something all four pastors had discussed and agreed was the best course of action for the present time. Although this was communicated calmly and in a loving way, Maggie stormed out of the office and told Pastor Greg that he should be fired from his job for speaking in such a way to his parishioners.
Matt and Maggie also attend our Monday food pantry and Pastor Greg gave them permission to continue coming in order to get groceries.
Since then, Maggie and Matt have not returned to Sunday morning, but have contacted a number of our members and told them “we want to come back, but the pastors won't let us.” Some of these members are concerned that we acted too harshly to exclude them – although in the pastors' defense, they feel that Matt and Maggie have decided to exclude themselves (the church is just holding them to their word).
Questions: Did the pastors make the right decision to tell Matt and Maggie to find a new church home? Should the pastors reverse their decision if Matt and Maggie show that they are genuinely sorry for what they did? Where should we go from here? Does the Scriptural passage below have any bearing on this case?
Titus 3:10-11 10 Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. 11 You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
I'd Like To Register A Complaint, Please
Forgive me, sir, for my impudence, but I really must register a complaint. If you're as big and as patient as they say you are, I'm sure you'll be able to handle it. The gist of my beef with you is that you just seem so distant sometimes. I mean, people say that you are loving and that you are relational at your very core. In fact, some people who study you and your ways tell me that you've been in a perpetual relationship forever and that you always will be. They also say that you're interested in relating to all of us "down here." And I want you to be my best friend, but you never call. I haven't even once gotten an e-mail from you and I never even see you update your status on Facebook. I try different things to meet you like getting away from it all just to be with you, but I just keep hearing silence. And I'm not the only one who is bothered by this. I just talked with two others this morning who feel the same way. So why do you have to be so distant? If I called my dad and asked him for a moment of his time to chat or offer some advice, I know that he'd drop what he was doing to be there for me. And one time I read that you said, "If you earthly father knows how to give good gifts to his children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?" Well, I guess I'm asking. Would you show yourself to me in a small, simple way? I would like to be your friend, but I keep getting your voicemail.
At least I'm not alone in my feeling of isolation. Misery loves company. Evidently, you've been quiet for millennia. So I'll pray again a prayer that was prayed over 3,000 years ago:
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death. Psalm 13:1-4a
At least I'm not alone in my feeling of isolation. Misery loves company. Evidently, you've been quiet for millennia. So I'll pray again a prayer that was prayed over 3,000 years ago:
How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death. Psalm 13:1-4a
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Words from Mother Teresa
"It is not a sin to be rich. There must be a reason why some people can afford to live well. They must have worked for it. But I tell you this provokes avarice, and there comes sin. Richness is given by God and it is our duty to divide it with those less favoured.
Some time ago, a Hindu gentleman was asked: 'What is a Christian?' And he gave a very simple and very strange answer: 'A Christian is giving.' And right from the beginning we find that it is really just giving. God loved the world so much that he gave his Son -- the first great giving. Being rich he became poor for you and me. He gave himself totally. But that was not enough. He wanted to give something more -- to give us the chance to give to him. So he made himself the hungry one, the naked one so that we could give to him.
Let us not be satisfied with just giving money; money is not enough for money one can get. The poor need our hands to serve them, they need our hearts to love them. Let us give, not from our abundance but until it hurts. Let us make ourselves poor for him."
(Taken from "Life in the Spirit" 53)
Some time ago, a Hindu gentleman was asked: 'What is a Christian?' And he gave a very simple and very strange answer: 'A Christian is giving.' And right from the beginning we find that it is really just giving. God loved the world so much that he gave his Son -- the first great giving. Being rich he became poor for you and me. He gave himself totally. But that was not enough. He wanted to give something more -- to give us the chance to give to him. So he made himself the hungry one, the naked one so that we could give to him.
Let us not be satisfied with just giving money; money is not enough for money one can get. The poor need our hands to serve them, they need our hearts to love them. Let us give, not from our abundance but until it hurts. Let us make ourselves poor for him."
(Taken from "Life in the Spirit" 53)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Mixed Bag
The following is addressed to my conservative evangelical friends:
First of all, I want to be perfectly clear: I, too, lament the fact that one of Obama's first acts as president was to sign a bill which would rescind the Mexico City Policy thereby providing funding for abortions overseas. I believe abortion to be one of the greatest evils on the face of the earth and that history will one day prove pro-life advocates to be in line with civil rights leaders, abolitionists, and the best of humanitarians. On this particular issue I strongly disagree with the Obama administration although I applaud his efforts to work with both conservatives and liberals on promoting realistic measures to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions -- primarily by fighting poverty.
That being said, I am disturbed by all of the conservatives who have already begun to gripe about the new administration. Obama's first act was to set a deadline for the closing of Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. Gitmo, most Americans do not realize, is an icon of American oppression to the rest of the world. Our ideal of presumed innocence is flaunted as the world hears stories of innocent victims incarcerated without an opportunity to defend themselves. Gitmo is a blight on our ideals as a nation; the world sees this and rightly calls us hypocritical. Human rights activists the world over are rejoicing that this emblem of oppression is coming to an end. Christians would do well to join the chorus.
Obama's second act as president was to outlaw the practice of water-boarding, overturn the Bush administration's lax approach to torture, and align America once again with the Geneva Convention. Once again, human rights advocates rejoice. Americans are a people who abhor torture in all of its forms and condemn countries like China who, behind closed doors, practice such methods of interrogation. Obama rightly believes that we must "reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals" and that America's founders understood that "our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint." (By the way, I heard Bill O'Reilly -- that great Bible-believing Christian -- claim that we DO have to sacrifice our ideals for safety).
As Christians, no leader will always reflect the kingdom. We must prophetically condemn that which does not align itself with the sanctity of human life and conservatives are right to grieve over the fact that American money will be used to fund abortions overseas. But let us also rejoice. Let us rejoice that the sanctity of human life is also being uplifted by this administration through its opposition to dark rooms, imprisonment without trial, and torture. Politics will always be a mixed bag for us who know who the true King of Kings is, but let's at least put aside our party lines when we see progress made in the battle for human dignity.
First of all, I want to be perfectly clear: I, too, lament the fact that one of Obama's first acts as president was to sign a bill which would rescind the Mexico City Policy thereby providing funding for abortions overseas. I believe abortion to be one of the greatest evils on the face of the earth and that history will one day prove pro-life advocates to be in line with civil rights leaders, abolitionists, and the best of humanitarians. On this particular issue I strongly disagree with the Obama administration although I applaud his efforts to work with both conservatives and liberals on promoting realistic measures to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies and abortions -- primarily by fighting poverty.
That being said, I am disturbed by all of the conservatives who have already begun to gripe about the new administration. Obama's first act was to set a deadline for the closing of Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. Gitmo, most Americans do not realize, is an icon of American oppression to the rest of the world. Our ideal of presumed innocence is flaunted as the world hears stories of innocent victims incarcerated without an opportunity to defend themselves. Gitmo is a blight on our ideals as a nation; the world sees this and rightly calls us hypocritical. Human rights activists the world over are rejoicing that this emblem of oppression is coming to an end. Christians would do well to join the chorus.
Obama's second act as president was to outlaw the practice of water-boarding, overturn the Bush administration's lax approach to torture, and align America once again with the Geneva Convention. Once again, human rights advocates rejoice. Americans are a people who abhor torture in all of its forms and condemn countries like China who, behind closed doors, practice such methods of interrogation. Obama rightly believes that we must "reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals" and that America's founders understood that "our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint." (By the way, I heard Bill O'Reilly -- that great Bible-believing Christian -- claim that we DO have to sacrifice our ideals for safety).
As Christians, no leader will always reflect the kingdom. We must prophetically condemn that which does not align itself with the sanctity of human life and conservatives are right to grieve over the fact that American money will be used to fund abortions overseas. But let us also rejoice. Let us rejoice that the sanctity of human life is also being uplifted by this administration through its opposition to dark rooms, imprisonment without trial, and torture. Politics will always be a mixed bag for us who know who the true King of Kings is, but let's at least put aside our party lines when we see progress made in the battle for human dignity.
Resolution of Repentance
I have heard the call to repent which came from God through the lips of people I love -- the lips of my wife, my father, and some close friends. They bravely rebuked me for something I knew deep down was a problem to be faced, but didn't want to face it. Here is what they have said:
Greg, in your fervor for solidarity with the poor, you have become judgmental to those who do not have the same passion as you. You have chided rich Americans for being rich Americans and refused to meet them where they are. You have spoken loudly and boldly against the dangers of hoarding wealth, but people will not respond to anger. People will only respond to a life well lived and messages given in love.
I have taken this advice to heart. It was not easy to hear. Rebukes never are. Nevertheless, I needed to hear this as I have become yet another one of those angry, envious do-gooder liberals. And so I repent. I resolve here and now to keep my big mouth shut for a while and just live my life according to how I read the gospels. I will try to preach my sermons without words.
Forgive me, blog readers, for being so vitriolic at times. While I do believe that the grossest of injustices in this world need to be prophetically condemned, I have not done so in love. I hope this to be a new beginning for me and for this blog which is a reflection of the inner soul of its author.
Greg, in your fervor for solidarity with the poor, you have become judgmental to those who do not have the same passion as you. You have chided rich Americans for being rich Americans and refused to meet them where they are. You have spoken loudly and boldly against the dangers of hoarding wealth, but people will not respond to anger. People will only respond to a life well lived and messages given in love.
I have taken this advice to heart. It was not easy to hear. Rebukes never are. Nevertheless, I needed to hear this as I have become yet another one of those angry, envious do-gooder liberals. And so I repent. I resolve here and now to keep my big mouth shut for a while and just live my life according to how I read the gospels. I will try to preach my sermons without words.
Forgive me, blog readers, for being so vitriolic at times. While I do believe that the grossest of injustices in this world need to be prophetically condemned, I have not done so in love. I hope this to be a new beginning for me and for this blog which is a reflection of the inner soul of its author.
Monday, January 5, 2009
My Annual Conference Report
Next week as the senior pastor of a Free Methodist Church I am required to turn in a report to my superintendent in which I must enumerate how many people in my church have been "converted." Being a the fussy, troublesome little pastor that I am, I asked the conference to define for me "conversion" to which I was greeted by the following very brief reply:
"The directions for lines 4 and 5 say that conversions are those
who have prayed to receive Christ as their personal Savior..." So, that would mean salvation. How many youth and how many adults were saved during 2008?"
I knew, of course, that such would be the answer. But having taken an entire graduate course on Christian conversion, I was curious to note how my denomination defines "salvation." Evidently, what they want me to report is how many people I was able to cajole into saying the magic words (i.e. the "sinner's prayer" -- Notice that we call this the "Sinner's prayer" and not the "Sinners' prayer" denoting our individualistic outlook on sin and salvation). But I have come to believe over the past 10 years of biblical and theological study that the reduction of the mystery of salvation to the pronouncement of a few magic words is an absurdity and does a grave injustice to the biblical concept of soterios or telios or sozo.
I would like to offer an alternative conference report to the one I am being forced to turn in this week. It would look something like this:
Number of prostitutes who have been told that they are made in the image of God and wept over that fact: 3
Number of addicts who have admitted their bondage, confessed their sin, and sought help through group accountability: 10
Number of sexually abused women who have thrown themselves down at the altar and asked God to heal them: 4
Number of dysfunctional or mentally ill teenagers who have been educated by patient people in the church and listened to for hours on end: 5
Number of hungry mouths fed: easily over 2,000
Number of inner city kids who have now memorized over 3 chapters of the Bible: 5
Number of pastors who have been completely and totally broken down before God and cried out for his help: at least 1
Number of men weekly attending AA in our church basement: 6
Number of people who have smiled and said, "Thank you for what you do; it has given me hope": at least a dozen.
Number of times members of the church have responded to insult or abuse with kindness and patience: thousands.
Now I know that the conference wants the "bottom line." They want me to tell them how many I "got in" so that they can do their little denominational tally. I know that if my number were high enough, my church's name would be read on a list at annual conference as a role model for others. But I don't really want to give them that. Instead, I'd rather tell them stories, show them pictures, and let them eat at our table alongside the poor.
But, alas, this is America. We want numbers -- numbers of "conversions." My suggestion is that we stop counting conversions and start counting conversations.
"The directions for lines 4 and 5 say that conversions are those
who have prayed to receive Christ as their personal Savior..." So, that would mean salvation. How many youth and how many adults were saved during 2008?"
I knew, of course, that such would be the answer. But having taken an entire graduate course on Christian conversion, I was curious to note how my denomination defines "salvation." Evidently, what they want me to report is how many people I was able to cajole into saying the magic words (i.e. the "sinner's prayer" -- Notice that we call this the "Sinner's prayer" and not the "Sinners' prayer" denoting our individualistic outlook on sin and salvation). But I have come to believe over the past 10 years of biblical and theological study that the reduction of the mystery of salvation to the pronouncement of a few magic words is an absurdity and does a grave injustice to the biblical concept of soterios or telios or sozo.
I would like to offer an alternative conference report to the one I am being forced to turn in this week. It would look something like this:
Number of prostitutes who have been told that they are made in the image of God and wept over that fact: 3
Number of addicts who have admitted their bondage, confessed their sin, and sought help through group accountability: 10
Number of sexually abused women who have thrown themselves down at the altar and asked God to heal them: 4
Number of dysfunctional or mentally ill teenagers who have been educated by patient people in the church and listened to for hours on end: 5
Number of hungry mouths fed: easily over 2,000
Number of inner city kids who have now memorized over 3 chapters of the Bible: 5
Number of pastors who have been completely and totally broken down before God and cried out for his help: at least 1
Number of men weekly attending AA in our church basement: 6
Number of people who have smiled and said, "Thank you for what you do; it has given me hope": at least a dozen.
Number of times members of the church have responded to insult or abuse with kindness and patience: thousands.
Now I know that the conference wants the "bottom line." They want me to tell them how many I "got in" so that they can do their little denominational tally. I know that if my number were high enough, my church's name would be read on a list at annual conference as a role model for others. But I don't really want to give them that. Instead, I'd rather tell them stories, show them pictures, and let them eat at our table alongside the poor.
But, alas, this is America. We want numbers -- numbers of "conversions." My suggestion is that we stop counting conversions and start counting conversations.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
What I Want... (A New Year's Prayer)
I want to believe that I don't just create God in my own image, cutting and pasting the texts of Scripture to suit my own fancy. (But I suspect that I, and almost all other Biblical scholars, do).
I want to be set free from slavery to gluttony, lust, laziness, pride, anger, despair and greed.
I want to wake up in the morning and be filled with gratitude rather than feel like I have a hangover from the previous day.
I want to be part of a church where I can be who I am and not put on a face and not act like everything is alright.
I want to want God.
I want to share my life with the poor, to resist the urge to escape from poverty, and to embrace a life of simple solidarity with the broken as the will of God. And I want to find peace and joy in doing so.
I want to stop medicating myself with all the wrong things.
I want to long to read the Bible more than I long to read the newspaper or long to watch television or long to surf the web or long to sit and watch paint dry.
I want to stop feeling like somehow the Bible demands that I look down upon, judge, or oppose the civil rights of homosexuals.
I want to learn how to pray.
I want to lose weight.
I want my family to know how much I love them and hate how I treat them when I'm in a bad mood.
I want 2009 to be a better year than 2008.
Amen.
I want to be set free from slavery to gluttony, lust, laziness, pride, anger, despair and greed.
I want to wake up in the morning and be filled with gratitude rather than feel like I have a hangover from the previous day.
I want to be part of a church where I can be who I am and not put on a face and not act like everything is alright.
I want to want God.
I want to share my life with the poor, to resist the urge to escape from poverty, and to embrace a life of simple solidarity with the broken as the will of God. And I want to find peace and joy in doing so.
I want to stop medicating myself with all the wrong things.
I want to long to read the Bible more than I long to read the newspaper or long to watch television or long to surf the web or long to sit and watch paint dry.
I want to stop feeling like somehow the Bible demands that I look down upon, judge, or oppose the civil rights of homosexuals.
I want to learn how to pray.
I want to lose weight.
I want my family to know how much I love them and hate how I treat them when I'm in a bad mood.
I want 2009 to be a better year than 2008.
Amen.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Trip to a War Zone
So today my friend David showed back up after an absence of several weeks. I had seen him in jail sometime in early November, but he'd been nowhere to be found since his release on the 6th despite his repeated promises to come to church every Sunday.
But today he came banging on my door and telling me that he had relapsed. He wasn't too repentant about it though because, in his words, "you'da relapsed too, pastor, if you'd seen what I seen last night." So I asked him about it and I managed to piece together his story:
After a quiet evening at his aunt's house where David is living until he can get a place of his own, his 24-year old nephew showed up at the house needing a place to stay for the night. It being below freezing, they let him inside where a hodgepodge of family members were staying -- an old matriarch, a young single mother and her 7 month old son, David who was recently released from prison, and now this 24-year old kid up to no good.
Around 2:00 am they all awoke with a start as several men jumped out of a van, ran onto their front porch and started riddling the house with gunfire. The men were apparently carrying assault rifles and unloaded on the sleepy house, shooting out windows and sending bullets flying in all directions through walls before piling back into the van and peeling out to go who knows where. Turns out the nephew who was visiting had been looking for a place to hide from some men who were out to get him. He'd apparently sold them some bad drugs or something. When the grandmother of them all called the police, David's nephew grabbed his coat and took off.
A bullet had missed the young mother's head by a few feet as she slept next to her beautiful baby boy. David took off to "get a drink." No one slept the rest of the night.
So this morning, David comes and asks me if I want an education. He offers to take me to his place and show me the "real inner city." So I went. The whole way he kept saying, "If I see those bastards again I'll blow their heads off. I gotta protect that little baby. I'm gonna stay up all night with my rifle at my side. You ain't gonna believe your eyes, pastor. These bastards coulda killed that little baby." When he asked me if I would defend my own home with a rifle after such an incident, I thought for a second and nodded my head.
The home was a total dump. A fat, elderly black women greeted me at the door in her bathrobe. "Days of Our Lives" played in the background and the air hung heavy with the stench of tobacco and alcohol as I got a tour of the various bullet holes in the walls. The young woman had made a home for herself and her baby by throwing an old, filthy mattress on the floor. No sheets. Just a couple crumpled blankets used for a pillow, a 1980's style telephone, a radio, and random piles of mail mixed with McDonald's wrappers. She sat up when I came in, but never got up and I smiled and played with her beautiful baby boy as everyone around talked about how close they came to getting shot.
I got my education today. I never learned this in seminary. I visited a war zone. I learned about how the police don't care about neighborhoods like David's. I learned about the demonic oppression that hangs in the air over a home stricken by poverty. I learned about systemic racism by going to this black home in a black neighborhood. I learned what an assault rifle bullet hole looks like when it goes through glass, drywall, and cement. I (only slightly) learned about what it must be like to be a baby that grows up with a bottle that hasn't been washed in two weeks. I learned why David went out for a drink.
David swore that even I would go grab a beer after seeing what he wanted to show me. Well, I didn't do that. But I did stop by a Starbucks, order a coffee, and sit down over the newspaper. Same difference.
But today he came banging on my door and telling me that he had relapsed. He wasn't too repentant about it though because, in his words, "you'da relapsed too, pastor, if you'd seen what I seen last night." So I asked him about it and I managed to piece together his story:
After a quiet evening at his aunt's house where David is living until he can get a place of his own, his 24-year old nephew showed up at the house needing a place to stay for the night. It being below freezing, they let him inside where a hodgepodge of family members were staying -- an old matriarch, a young single mother and her 7 month old son, David who was recently released from prison, and now this 24-year old kid up to no good.
Around 2:00 am they all awoke with a start as several men jumped out of a van, ran onto their front porch and started riddling the house with gunfire. The men were apparently carrying assault rifles and unloaded on the sleepy house, shooting out windows and sending bullets flying in all directions through walls before piling back into the van and peeling out to go who knows where. Turns out the nephew who was visiting had been looking for a place to hide from some men who were out to get him. He'd apparently sold them some bad drugs or something. When the grandmother of them all called the police, David's nephew grabbed his coat and took off.
A bullet had missed the young mother's head by a few feet as she slept next to her beautiful baby boy. David took off to "get a drink." No one slept the rest of the night.
So this morning, David comes and asks me if I want an education. He offers to take me to his place and show me the "real inner city." So I went. The whole way he kept saying, "If I see those bastards again I'll blow their heads off. I gotta protect that little baby. I'm gonna stay up all night with my rifle at my side. You ain't gonna believe your eyes, pastor. These bastards coulda killed that little baby." When he asked me if I would defend my own home with a rifle after such an incident, I thought for a second and nodded my head.
The home was a total dump. A fat, elderly black women greeted me at the door in her bathrobe. "Days of Our Lives" played in the background and the air hung heavy with the stench of tobacco and alcohol as I got a tour of the various bullet holes in the walls. The young woman had made a home for herself and her baby by throwing an old, filthy mattress on the floor. No sheets. Just a couple crumpled blankets used for a pillow, a 1980's style telephone, a radio, and random piles of mail mixed with McDonald's wrappers. She sat up when I came in, but never got up and I smiled and played with her beautiful baby boy as everyone around talked about how close they came to getting shot.
I got my education today. I never learned this in seminary. I visited a war zone. I learned about how the police don't care about neighborhoods like David's. I learned about the demonic oppression that hangs in the air over a home stricken by poverty. I learned about systemic racism by going to this black home in a black neighborhood. I learned what an assault rifle bullet hole looks like when it goes through glass, drywall, and cement. I (only slightly) learned about what it must be like to be a baby that grows up with a bottle that hasn't been washed in two weeks. I learned why David went out for a drink.
David swore that even I would go grab a beer after seeing what he wanted to show me. Well, I didn't do that. But I did stop by a Starbucks, order a coffee, and sit down over the newspaper. Same difference.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Broken Down
Kids screaming in the night,
alcohol, drugs, prostitution, theft, abuse, rape, poverty,
fear at all times
fear of bad men eyeing my daughters
fear of addicts who would beat my wife for money,
fear of darkness, darkness, darkness overwhelming.
Depression, dark clouds unending
icy cold mornings
long hours of work
church people who hate each other
phone calls, phone calls, phone calls
meetings, sermons, visits, peacemaking, silent pain
emptiness inside. Godlessness.
My kids screaming in the night,
sleeplessness, diapers, laundry, dishes, urine on the floor,
bills due, income scarce
hard work, no reward, tension with Courtney,
longing day after day for escape.
Empty motions,
aching for somewhere I know not where,
aching for someone I know not who,
suffering, suffering silently with Christ
... or sometimes without him.
Gregory Ryan Coates is Broken Down tonight.
alcohol, drugs, prostitution, theft, abuse, rape, poverty,
fear at all times
fear of bad men eyeing my daughters
fear of addicts who would beat my wife for money,
fear of darkness, darkness, darkness overwhelming.
Depression, dark clouds unending
icy cold mornings
long hours of work
church people who hate each other
phone calls, phone calls, phone calls
meetings, sermons, visits, peacemaking, silent pain
emptiness inside. Godlessness.
My kids screaming in the night,
sleeplessness, diapers, laundry, dishes, urine on the floor,
bills due, income scarce
hard work, no reward, tension with Courtney,
longing day after day for escape.
Empty motions,
aching for somewhere I know not where,
aching for someone I know not who,
suffering, suffering silently with Christ
... or sometimes without him.
Gregory Ryan Coates is Broken Down tonight.
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