A Fish Named Pip

Pip was a small fish even compared to the other fish in his school.  More than anything, he loved his school, but you might also call it his "family."  It was everyone that he'd ever loved and known and they were a very happy school.  Pip liked to stay as close to the center of the school as possible because a few times while swimming together Pip would find himself on the outside edges of the school and he didn't like what he saw.  In fact, it really scared him.  The ocean was so very big and he was so very small.  Whenever he got to the edge of his school, he would look out into the vast emptiness of the ocean and it would fill him with a deep fear, almost a panic.  And so Pip made it his mission in life to be as committed to his school as he could be.  "I will follow all of the rules," Pip would tell himself, "because maybe if I do, then I won't ever be stuck out on the edge of the school again.  Then I won't have to look out at the scary place."

But as Pip grew up in safety and in the cozy comfort of the center of his school, there was a part of him that was mesmerized by memories of the open ocean.  True, he still feared it, but there was also something kind of alluring about it.  It made him wild with wonder and his imagination kept telling him that he should some day travel to the edge of the school on purpose just to see it again.  After all, he reasoned, he could always come back if he got too frightened.  Some of the other fish had told him stories about the "open ocean" and most of them were very scary indeed.  Evidently, there were monsters out there in the deep that were so much larger than any fish Pip had ever seen.  Some, they said, didn't even look at all like the fish in Pip's school.  The very idea sent shivers down his spine whenever Pip would think about it.  But usually he just doubted the stories.  "People like to make things us," Pip reminded himself. "It is the way of our people." Yet something deep inside of Pip -- you might call it his soul if fish have souls -- kept whispering to him, "Go out there and find out for yourself."

For a long time Pip ignored the voice inside that kept speaking to him.  He liked his life in the school.  He had made many good friends there.  In fact, he even fell in love with one particular fish that just drove him wild and he eventually married her.  She became his moon and stars and he loved her deeply.  They even had children together and built a nice family.  It was a charmed life, one that many other fish really envied.  They would look at Pip and his family and say, "I wish I had that.  They look so happy."  And, on most days, it was true.  Pip loved his life and was thankful for the sweet simple pleasures of his school and his new family.

But even during these years of great happiness the still, small voice inside of Pip never completely went away.  It kept inviting him to explore the edges of the school or -- and this was a very frightening thought -- to even swim out on his own someday, away from the school.  He wanted to know if there really were monsters out there.

But Pip shut these thoughts out of his mind.  "How could I possibly go take such a journey now?!?  I have a wife and family to think of!  I have a job and a profession.  I have a school that I love.  I would be completely insane to leave all of this in order to chase some silly, childish curiosity about what lives out in the open ocean."  And, reasoning in this way, Pip would manage to fall asleep at night... though as time passed the voice became louder and more persistent and Pip didn't sleep very well.  "At least the rest of my family is sleeping well," he thought.  "That's something."

That's when Pip's entire world came crashing down all at once. On a day just like any other day, without any warning at all a fishnet came down from the skies out of nowhere.  The school panicked and swam in every direction.  Everyone was trying to follow everyone else, but it was like the blind leading the blind.  Everything became chaos and confusion and all Pip could think was, "Where is my wife?  Where are my kids?  I can't see them!"  Pip swam faster than he'd ever swam in his life, searching with all the strength in his little body for the family he had lost, but as time passed and the fishnets disappeared and the school slowly started to piece itself back together, it began to ever so slowly and painfully dawn on Pip that his precious wife and kids were gone and it didn't seem like they were ever coming back.  This slow, dreadful realization took over Pip's little mind and he tried the best he could to think positively, but the pain was so great.  How could he live without his family?  The very thought of it made Pip wish that he too had been caught up in the fishnet.

Pip was still surrounded by fish within his school and they really tried to help him.  They all felt badly for Pip and what he had lost and some would say things to him like, "I have no idea what I would do if I were in your shoes.  I'm so sorry."  And, even though he was surrounded by so many fish who loved and cared for him, Pip felt alone and crushed.  Sometimes the other fish would try to encourage him, but Pip wouldn't even respond.  His sadness was more than he could bear.

After weeks and even months of living like a zombie-fish, one night Pip heard that little voice inside himself again, the one that he had heard ever since he could remember.  The voice said, "Hey there, Pip!  It's really terrible what you've been through.  But remember how you always wanted to go out and explore the open ocean?  Try to think of the disaster with the fishnets not only as a loss -- for it certainly is that! -- but also as the opening up of another opportunity.  This is your chance to go out and explore.  In a way, it is what you always wanted, even though you often ignored it."  Pip fought the voice though.  He didn't like the idea of going out into the open ocean alone, especially now.  The only things that brought him any comfort were those simple things he grew up with.  Still the voice wouldn't go away and it kept saying to him, "C'mon!  What do you have to lose?!?"  And Pip couldn't argue with that.  He couldn't think of what he had to lose.

So one night, feeling especially alone (even though he wasn't!), Pip did venture to the edge of the school and looked out into the dark open ocean.  It both frightened and intrigued him.  "Curiosity killed the cat," he heard his second grade teacher's voice say.  "Yeah, but... so what?" thought Pip.  "What if I do get eaten by a so-called monster?  What have I got to lose?"  Pip agonized over the decision for a long time.  He looked back at his old school and remembered with great fondness how good they had all been to him, especially after the horrible day.  But, looking within himself and staring into the open ocean, Pip realized that the open ocean itself was calling to him.  The open ocean was the voice he'd been hearing all along -- it was the voice "inside himself" but also "beyond himself." And that's when Pip realized that his deepest love all along -- deeper even than his love for his school, his ex-wife, and, yes, even his own precious children -- had always been this scary, wild, mysterious open expanse.

So what would you do, kids, if you were Pip?  Would you swim back to the safety of your school and to everything you've always known?  Or do you think Pip should venture out into the great unknown? That part of the story has yet to be told...

[Note:  I am not Pip.  There are overlaps, but they are not perfect.  In this story Pip is largely a victim and I don't really think that about my own story.]