I've written vaguely and in bits and pieces about this painful year in my life and some who know me well know that it has been pure hell. Yet it has also changed and refined me in certain ways. I don't lie anymore. Lies marked my old life and I refuse to mislead people anymore because I am incapable of being honest with myself. When I say "lie" I mean "telling another what you think they want to hear in order to better yourself in their eyes." It was a form of people-pleasing.
But I've changed in little, perhaps less important ways too. I used to listen to news and podcasts 24/7; now I prefer music or silence. I used to play video games for hours; now all those games are long gone and I prefer to spend my hours walking or sitting in nature. I used to think only as a male, but am now coming to slowly see how "toxic masculinity" warped my mind and theology. I cry more and worry less. I'm still deeply selfish and have a very long way to go, but at least I can acknowledge that without it suffocating me. Many of these inward mental and spiritual changes are also starting to impact my body too; what we believe doesn't matter -- what we do is what counts.
Now I'm rambling, but this is all just for my eyes anywho. I didn't tell my daughters of these changes, but their little minds were blown when they learned that I drink more water than Diet Coke now and that I've given up dried mango. Lol. I love those kiddos.
But I've changed in little, perhaps less important ways too. I used to listen to news and podcasts 24/7; now I prefer music or silence. I used to play video games for hours; now all those games are long gone and I prefer to spend my hours walking or sitting in nature. I used to think only as a male, but am now coming to slowly see how "toxic masculinity" warped my mind and theology. I cry more and worry less. I'm still deeply selfish and have a very long way to go, but at least I can acknowledge that without it suffocating me. Many of these inward mental and spiritual changes are also starting to impact my body too; what we believe doesn't matter -- what we do is what counts.
Now I'm rambling, but this is all just for my eyes anywho. I didn't tell my daughters of these changes, but their little minds were blown when they learned that I drink more water than Diet Coke now and that I've given up dried mango. Lol. I love those kiddos.
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